Ice Out

So here I sit at the little house on the lake and I have made it through another winter. No the mergansers haven't yet returned, but the ice is melting which means the mergansers can't be far behind. I don't like winter and it really has nothing to do with the weather, although the cold and snow certainly doesn't help. No, winter is the time when it always seems the tunnel, which in summer seems so short and the light at the end of it isn't a train, gets longer again and you think the light really is a train.

For some reason in the winter the mortgage falls behind, the car insurance comes in, taxes are due, and this winter I had major car repairs, which this weekend will be added to since I've had a wheel fall off. The money tree has no more leaves.

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I know, I know, for you who have followed this blog for the last four years or so have heard this all before, and I usually pull off some miracle, but there isn't one I can see anywhere this time. You know, I just can't figure it out. When we take Tonya's pay and my pay, we should have enough every month. We don't splurge on anything, we don't have new or nice things (just each other which is all we really need anyway) yes something always happens. 

It's hard not to give up, believe me if Tonya wasn't here I would have given up long ago. I have given up on my "maybes" and "if only's" which I think always led me to more disappointed, now if good things happen, they happen. I don't count on what I might have any more. For example, I keep writing, because I enjoy it, but will I get that big break? I can't say, but I am not spending the money until it's in the bank.

Hey, other than a few Mike's on Friday night, at least I haven't gone back to the drinking which would be easy enough to do.