Winter Blues

This is one of those entries where I am going to probably be all down and shit. Just warning you ahead of time.

I have written before, somewhere in my saved entries I am sure, that I tend to get depressed once in awhile. Today is one of those days. The good thing about it is I know I am depressed and I deal with it. I let myself be that way for a little while and then I kick myself in the ass and get out of it. Unfortunately sometimes I drag others down with me, in this case Tonya. When I was alone there was no one with me who had to listen to me crap, well except for the cat and she just purred and snuggled against me until I got out of it. Cats are pretty understanding I guess, not sure about the dog yet.

I am not sure why I am down today, I think it’s just the holidays and the fact that I am so tired and every part of my body hurts like hell. I try not to complain, and I usually don’t but the last couple of weeks it has been bad. I guess it doesn’t help that I have to work outside and on the weekends I am towing cars which means crawling on the wet ground, in the cold, to hook them up. I know I should go to the doctor and find out what is going on but I don’t have the time. No, it isn’t that I don’t have the time, I don’t want to take the time off from work because I don’t get sick days and I can’t afford to lose the money. I want so much to keep this house now that I have someone in my life who appreciates it the way that I do. And I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, it just is a ways away still.

So today I got angry at Tonya, over something stupid and I lost my temper some. Again, it is because I am over tired and hurting. It also doesn’t help that I sit in the truck driving around all day and have all kinds of time to sit and think. Sometimes that is good, sometimes it is not, it’s not when I am depressed.

I consider myself to be the luckiest man in the world because I have someone in my life who loves me more than anything. I have someone in my life who means the world to me. I have someone in my life who will do anything for me. I have someone in my life who I consider to be my best friend. I think it is rare indeed when that special someone comes into your life, I am blessed to have Tonya, and I do thank God every day for bringing her to me.

Anyway, Tonya will be home soon, and when she walks in the door I will hug her and kiss her and tell her I am sorry, and I hope she hugs me back. Ok, we all know she will because that is how she is. She loves to show her man how much she loves him, although she doesn’t need to show me, I see it in her face whenever I look at her. I wonder if she sees it in mine? You know just talking about her is making me feel better. It was just a year ago when I would write like this and not feel better because I didn’t have someone in my life. I had nothing to look forward to, now I do.

Ok, thanks for listening (or reading) I feel better.
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3 Responses to this post

  1. Rose on December 29, 2008 at 3:57 PM

    Try and control your temper so you won't feel depressed like you do right now.

    Sorry, you are down and out. We all get that way sometimes but others don't deserve the blunt of it. We all learn the hard way.

    My prayers are with you.

    Hugs, Rose

  2. Big Mark 243 on December 29, 2008 at 8:47 PM

    It is all good. You do your part, let her do her part, and y'all will get back to being on square.

    That is what is so cool about finding THAT person! They want it to work like you do, and you will always meet there!

  3. emikk on January 15, 2009 at 6:12 PM

    The thing about emotions is they are spontaneous and just are. If you are angry, for instance, it's hard to say you aren't, you just are. You acknowledged it and that's the best thing, otherwise, you kidding yourself and the anger can get worse. You're really lucky to have a lady like Tonya.

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