Wedding Bell Blues

I guess I didn't think it would bother me but now that the day is here, I guess I was wrong. Seems the ex-wife got herself remarried today, and I am not sure why it bothers me, but it does. We did know each other half of our lives, and we do have two kids, maybe that's it, hard to say. I do know I don't want her back, I am very happy with my life, even though we are dirt poor, but it still bothers me.
So why? We've been divorced ten years, plenty of time. to get over it and I have. After all I know why we parted ways, I could write a book about it I'm sure. Some could say I still love her, and I suppose I do, but in a different way than the way I love Tonya, after all you can't spend 30 years with someone and not feel something for them. But with Tonya it's more full, if that makes sense. 

Let's put it this way, I can picture myself spending the rest of my life with Tonya. I can see us getting old and grey, holding hands as we roll ourselves along in our walkers. With the ex, I couldn't see that. I couldn't picture spending the rest of my life with her. I often write on here about mt parents, and how much they loved each other, and how they grew old together. I could never see that. I can with Tonya.

It's not that I want to go back, I see things now about her and me I never saw then, now that I am able to look at it from far away. I see her as a different person than I did long ago. I see things I saw then, but now, becasue I am not there, I see it differently. Time changes things. When we are newly married, we tend to get busy, with work, with kids, and we forget about each other, then before we know it we are old and we have grown apart and we no longer know each other. That's what happened to us I guess. The strong can survive, the weak can't.

I guess what it is, is that it's just another of those milestones in one's life. The final closing of one chapter, and the continuation of the next, just with a few pages overlap. They say life goes on, and they are right, it does. It may get better, it may get worse, but it always goes on. And it is what we do with it as it does that matters.
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One Response to this post

  1. Anonymous on August 7, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    I love you dad, and I completely understand what you are saying. It also give me a little glimpse into your heart that I don't often see. It is an adjustment for me also. Growing up I never thought my parents wouldn't always be together, but now as an adult, a parent, and a divorcee, I have a whole new outlook. I just want my parents to be happy and support whatever decision they make that ensures that. I am grateful for all my happy childhood memories, and u hope someday my boys will say the same thing about theirs.

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