Bottom Looks Like Up

There was a song at one time which had the line "Been down so low, the bottom looks like up. " I can't remember the song or who did it but I certainly can understand what it means. I suppose it could actually refer to a number of things. In my case it was when I was dealing with depression, but it could also mean substance abuse issues or financial problems. You know, I just realized these are all related.



Think about it, you have financial problems where you can just about pay your bills, or can't pay them at all so you get depressed. When you get depressed you start to do drugs or drink and then, because I have never found a bar or liquor store who will let you drink for free (believe me I have tried) this exacerbates the financial problems which in turns causes you to drink more.

You can look at all this as a circle, and no matter where you enter the circle, whether you are depressed which cause you to drink which leads to the financial problems or you drink first which leads to the financial problems then to the depression it pretty much the same. This circle will spiral down until the bottom looks like up.

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I guess the bright side in this can be once you run out of money you can't continue with the substance abuse unless your morals are also gone, then I suppose you can steal. which for some is the next step. Depending on your stage of addiction or dependency, this could occur. But then if you have been in financial straits for so long you haven't been able to feed your habit, you aren't addicted or dependent and you don't get quite that low on the moral scale.

So how to you stop the downward spiral and get out of the circle? That is a question which is haunting me right now. How do I get out of the circle? I'm already at the bottom, at a place I can't go any lower unless my morality deserts me, which I don't think will ever happen, mainly because I have looked upward for guidance. He has saved my life at least once before (you fall off a truck and have a scissor lift fall on top of you and not get seriously hurt and tell me someone wasn't watching over you) so maybe He will again. I don't know.

About ten years ago i was in the same place and promised myself I would never get there again. And I haven't as far as some things go. Financially I am in the worst shape ever where this week I don't even know how we will put gas in the car so I can get to work, but at least the depression isn't as bad, it's not gone, but I have Tonya here ans together we will make it, and as I said, I can't afford to drink much if at all.

And I have something else I didn't really have before, faith.