So Now I Know

As anyone who has read this journal sine its inception knows, I have long complained and whined about being down and tired and weary, etc. etc. And now I know why.


A few months ago I went to a new Doctor, the same doctor that Tonya has, the one who found that mass in her spine which no one else could find and basically saved her life (and mine as well because without her, well who knows where I would be). Anyway, I was impressed by how he diagnosed Tonya and I hadn’t been happy with my prior doctor anyway, so I changed. Dr. Fitzpatrick is what I call an old fashioned country doctor, like those that were common in the old days, the kind of doctor both of my uncles were. I went for a physical and then followed up a month or two later. Dr. Fitzpatrick is a doctor you can feel comfortable with, one who doesn’t rush to the next patient, one who sits with you and takes time to actually listen. I told I was always tired and hurting, my back, my neck, my arms, pretty much everything. He referred me to a rheumatologist, another good Dr. who I instantly liked. It’s funny but I could tell I was going to like this doctor while I was waiting in the waiting room, for over two hours. Why? Because the reason I had to wait was not because there were too many patients, but because the Dr. took the time to sit and talk with each of his patients. He also listened, counseled, whatever it took. When my turn came, I told him how I was feeling, and unlike my old doctor, I didn’t feel like I was being a bother, that I was wasting his time, but that he was listening to me. He poked and prodded, asked me some questions and came u with a diagnosis. Fibromyalgia. (And by the way Tonya had already diagnosed this when we were at Dr. Fitzpatrick’s office, she is the best)
I have been spending the day reading about this condition. What it means, what will happen. Evidently there isn’t a lot I can do about it other than manage it and live with it, and not let it get me down. I suppose understanding it is the first step. After reading about all the signs and symptoms I also realize I have had this for some time, years and no one, including myself, has never know what it was. It is why I have mood swings, why I have been fatigued and why I have been in pain for a long time. There are other symptoms as well, which I won’t get into right now.
Where do I go from here? First, I don’t think I have it as severe as some. I understand there are different stages, sometimes its bad, sometimes its not so bad, but it is always there. I also understand there is no cure, at least not as of now. So I have to live with it. I can’t let it get to me, I can’t let it win. I will probably use this journal as a means to help me deal with it. So be ready. I am sure there will come a time when I am angry and pissed off because there is no cure that I will have to learn to live with it, but at least right now I am glad to know that there is a reason for my pain, my fatigue and my depression. I guess that’s the first step in all this.
Now I know.